Infertile
by misframe
Summary: There was never a second goal.


**disclaimer:** _disclaimed._

**pairing:** _Sasuke and Sakura._

**dedications:** _to whoever had to deal with a miscarriage._

**summary:** _There was never a second goal._

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><p><strong>I N F E R T I L E<strong>

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"Sasuke-kun!"

Sakura sprinted to embrace her husband, the brightest of grins lighting up her pale-pink face. She jumped on his bloodied back, delicate pink hair framing her face, with the said male not surprised the slightest by the gesture. Sasuke's lips quirked up a bit while his hands automatically found themselves under the back of her knees. He could practically _smell_ the happiness radiating from the woman.

"Sakura."

His pink-headed wife's eyes sparkled. "Guess what?"

The rise of a delicate brow. "Hn…?"

Sakura cautiously placed herself back on the ground, prying Sasuke's hands off her. With a finger twirling a pink lock, she grinned mischievously, "Let's just say that your _"second goal"_, which consists of Sharingan-weilding babies, is a success."

Ecstatic, joyful green orbs flickered to frozen, stony onyx ones. "I know you just got back from a mission, a deadly one, I assume, considering the blood of another staining your back, but I really want to buy baby supplies…"

"I just can't wait, you know? I mean, I don't even know if it's a girl or a boy yet… But who cares! We can buy neutral colors. What about green? Well, a not too dark or bright green, just—"

"_Sakura._"

She immediately stopped her rambling. "Yes, Sasuke-kun?"

"Shut up."

Part of Sakura's already constricted heart died, but that wasn't unusual. Her eyes cast down to the shiny, wooden floor she spent all morning cleaning just for him. She knew he didn't notice. She didn't know whether to punch him into oblivion or apologize. Holding a hand up to her chest, she opened her mouth to retort. Sasuke gave her a look that meant he wasn't finished and she shut her mouth abruptly.

"…And go get ready."

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**_Frowns turned to smiles._**

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_._**_  
><em>**

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><p><em>"Hey, Sasuke-kun?"<em>

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do you think that I will be a good mother?"_

_"You can take care of me."_

_"..So?"_

_"You can take care of anyone."_

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><p>.<p>

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Sakura has been carrying the child for over 3 months now, and she can't help but hum sweetly to herself as she cooked dinner for her husband who was busying himself with paperwork. The woman in her 20s leaned against the counter top where she was currently preparing her husband's favorite dish. Sighing merrily, she thought of the patter of tiny feet and the feeling of a small hand clasped with hers.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Sakura returned to chopping the vegetables. Realizing she forgot the most important part of the dish, she looked over to the handsome face of her husband.

"Sasuke-kun, do you mind grabbing the tomatoes over there at counter for me?"

Sasuke almost smiled at the softness of his wife's voice, appreciative of her even thinking about making his favorite dish. She was like his mother; so caring, so gentle. Although, she was better than a mother. He had a connection with Sakura that no one can ever hinder. Glancing up at her with his infamous grunt, his eyes widened in fear.

"_**Sakura!**_"

Sakura furrowed her brows at Sasuke's expression.

"What is it?"

She looked down at what she thought was a spotless, tiled floor.

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**_All she saw was the most crimson of blood._**

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><p><em>"I don't want to lose anyone ever again, Sakura!"<em>

_"It's okay, Sasuke-kun. I'm here."_

_"…Are you?"_

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><p>.<p>

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Sakura was pregnant again.

She grieved for her unborn baby who she expected to be a girl. She named her Etsuko, the child of delight. Or a child it _would've_ been. **_She_** would've been.

Then after Etsuko, she became pregnant with Chokichi, meaning long-lasting good luck, for five months. Sakura was ecstatic; she said that he was _the **one**._

She carried him as if she was carrying the most delicate china; she took care of him as if he was prince. Sakura read every book in the nearby library about pregnancy. She ate and did the most appropriate things, and she went to get check-ups regularly. Sakura visited her mother to ask for advice, and she also went to Kurenai. Sakura made she she slept the right way every night with Sasuke wrapped around her frame protectively.

Sakura was informed that he was currently a happy, healthy young boy. She cried her happiness with her hands fisted onto Sasuke's shirt and he whispered and soothed and ran his fingers through pink hair that was _sosososo_ soft.

They were assured that they will soon get the long-awaited bundle of joy.

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_**Until he died along with the blood that ran through the same tiled floor.**_

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._**  
><strong>_

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><p><em>"Sasuke-kun, are the babies dying because they hate me?"<em>

_"...No."_

_"Why do you think that?"_

_"Because they should be hating **me**."_

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><p>.<p>

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After 2 more miscarriages and losses and stilled hearts, Tsunade advised Sakura that it would best for them to stop trying, unless she's willing to put her life in line.

Sakura thrashed about and screamed at her mentor, saying things about making _Sasuke-kun_ happy and fulfilling goals and dreams coming true. She insisted on trying again with Sasuke unable to control his unorganized wife. She would glare at him and accuse of him not wanting a baby from her and Sasuke would simply stare at her as she vents her frustrations through punches and kicks aimed straight at him.. Sakura didn't want anyone to bother communicating with her; she said that maybe if she stopped talking, the baby wouldn't die this time.

She _insisted_, he _persisted_. Sakura never noticed how Sasuke would grit his teeth whenever she slapped him for every little thing.

She fought with him about everything then, always telling him how he could say such a thing. Sakura stopped talking to him soon after, then. But he never stopped trying. He would always do what she says. Sasuke would do _anything_ and _everything_ for her.

Sasuke also tried to convince himself that the absence of the suffix in his name was only because Sakura has matured more now that she's been through a lot.

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_**He stopped flitting his fingertips against the cold side of the bed that lacked presence every morning.**_

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><p><em>"Sasuke.<em>

_"Hn."_

_"I'm going to get my check-up. I'll be back when I want to."_

_The shutting of eyelids. "..Be safe."_

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><p>.<p>

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Naruto approached him one day, asking the most unusual question. They were at Ichiraku again, but Sasuke didn't seem to mind anymore. He just wanted to get away, away from _life_, away from_ love_, away from _crying_, away from..._everything_. Just..._**away**_.

The Hokage took a seat beside him, forcing a smile, his steaming ramen not tempting him one bit. "…Hey, teme. How old are you again?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "…I'm 26."

Naruto's laugh lacked mirth. "_Funny_. No one would have guessed that right."

Sasuke didn't utter a word from then on. The blond soon left, leaving bills enough to pay for both of them, his ramen, for the first time in this century, untouched. The Uchiha did not notice the tears that lay upon the chair Naruto once inhabited.

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_**Sasuke didn't need a mirror to know there were bags under his eyes.**_

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._**  
><strong>_

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><p><em>"Sakura."<em>

_"Yes?"_

_"I still love you."_

_Sakura pretended to be asleep._

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><p>.<p>

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It wasn't making love anymore. There was no love; there were no gentle or loving caresses. Sasuke didn't want to cooperate, but he didn't want to lose her either. He wanted to please her through this phase of insanity.

When they broke apart and were out of breath, Sasuke stood up and took a really cold shower, leaving Sakura dwelling on the chances of conceiving a child. She didn't even look at him as he walked past her.

With cold, icy finger-like water smoothing his back, the thought of Sakura leaving him jarred his thoughts. Sasuke can already imagine it, with her scent lingering and his heart pounding in his ears and his fists clenched. There were no notes, because it was not a goodbye. In their lifetime, there will never be a goodbye. You just leave and be gone but something will always _linger_.

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_**When Sasuke came back, he was met with a tear-strained pillow**_

_** and the echoing cries of a grieving woman just right down the hall.**_

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><p><em>"Sakura."<em>

_The was no response.  
><em>

_"This isn't healthy."_

_"..You know what, Sasuke?"_

_"…"_

_"If you're giving up on the **child**, it's the same as giving up on **me**."_

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><p>.<p>

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Then one day, after so many miserable weeks, Sasuke just snapped, his hands fisted in his hair and his movements rigid.

"Damn it, _Sakura_! Why won't you_ give up_?"

She looked at him as if he suddenly multiplied. Pulling at the hem of her shirt, she looked at him dead in the eye. "…Is that a trick question?"

Sasuke seethed, his eyes bleeding red. "What if you die, Sakura? What's the _point_ of having a baby?"

Sakura stared at him coolly. "You clan will be restored."

"It's _one_ baby, Sakura!"

"But it will still fulfill second goal."

The last Uchiha clenched his fists tighter. "…_Don't you get it_? I finished my goal. I only had **one** goal."

There was no reaction from the other side.

"What I want to happen now is to spend the rest of my life without having any ambitions. What is the point of have a goal if I'm more than content with what I have?"

His monotonous voice made Sakura more uncomfortable.

Sasuke walked over to the frozen form of his wife and placed chaste kiss on the crown of head, and then he was gone, his eyes shut tight as the scent of another life lost filled his nostrils.

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**_Sakura soon dropped to the ground where the blood pooled around her._**

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><p><em>"Why weren't you ever adopted when you were young, Sasuke?"<em>

_"..."_

_"Didn't you want a family?"_

_"...Wasn't that what Team 7 was for?"  
><em>

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><p>.<p>

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"Sas-I mean, Sasuke-_kun_."

"…"

"Tsunade-sama said that I have to give up."

"…"

"…Or I will _die_."

"…"

"So I _will_."

Sasuke's head snapped up to her direction. He stared his wife down, demanding answers and long-awaited explanations. She murmured in a voice that Sasuke missed so dearly.

"_Thank you._"

Sakura smiled at the memory.

"_For **everything**._"

"Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke held his head in his arms, disbelief coursing through his veins. _She was trying to **torture** him._ He knew it. He should've realized sooner, but he knew it from the beginning, he was certain-!

"I'm sorry I'm not able to conceive a child for you, Sasuke. I just wanted to make you happy. But then I realized that you were happier with me just being…**_me_**. Someone who enjoys watching raindrops slide down the window and drinking cold drinks when it's freezing."

"So even though I desperately want a child, your happiness matters to me too, since you never had happiness."

He was behind her in a flash, resembling the quick ninja he was.

"We can still adopt." Sasuke encircled his arms around his stunned wife. "The child may not have our blood, but he or she is our child nonetheless."

"_But—_"

"Sakura, believe me when I say this: One can only find happiness through another's."

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_**For the first time in what seemed like at the peak of forever's end, they kiss.**_

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._**  
><strong>_.

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><p>They adopt her. She had the fiery green eyes like Sakura, and the inky black hair of Sasuke.<p>

It was coincidental, really. Since fate did not exist. Fate only occurs when people dream. Reality is when people try. There's no fate when there's no dream. And there was no dream to begin with.

There was **_life_**.

_And this new life was named Awasaru._

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><p><em><strong>United.<strong>_

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><p><em><strong>.<strong>_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.  
><strong>_

**O W A R I**

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><p><strong>notes1: <strong>_I think this is the best story I've every written, but I don't know if it's even good. Please review! :)_

**notes2:**_ I re-wrote this, due to my hatred for it._

O R I G I N A L_  
><em>


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